The fear that you've used the public restroom too fast and the people who saw you walk in and walk out assume you didn't wash your hands which you did (although you didn't use soap because you were in a hurry).
The fear that the waiter did not bring you the bottle of wine you ordered and he's watching you taste the initial sample pour and laughing to himself because he's brought you the cheapest bottle of wine from the menu, not the second cheapest which is what you ordered.
The fear that your casual walking pace is far too fast and people think you're some sort of spaz or something.
The fear that everyone else on the train can hear what you're listening to on your iPod through some elaborate prank involving new technology which can pick up your iPod's signal and somehow transmit it through the public transportation's PA system and you're listening to Hanson's "MMMMM Bop".
The fear that as soon as you walk out of the office each day the rest of your co-workers all start having sex with each other and yelling, "Thank God he's gone so we can all start having sex with each other!"
The fear that you look like a fag when using a straw. That you're doing it all wrong and there's some sort of strategy to it that no one's telling you.
The fear that you've mistakenly put the left ear bud in your right ear and the left ear bud in your right ear and your hands are currently occupied with a dog leash, baby stroller, and a plastic bag full of dog shit so it would sort of be a whole production to attempt to double-check but if you don't you risk some sort of undocumented damage to your hearing in which sounds coming from your left will seem to be coming from your right and vice versa.
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The fear that whenever you hear a foreign language being spoken that they are for some reason talking about your weight.
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