The bustle of Barry Busiman / Warrior

Barry Busiman was busy. Busy indeed. He was so busy that his last name wasn't really Busiman, it was actually Smith. He started giving himself the last name of Busiman ten years ago because he felt he was so busy. His business cards confirmed the lie. That should help give you an idea of how busy he was. So very very busy.

Barry Busiman was so busy he claimed he didn't have time for sleep. He cursed it as a necessity of the human race. "What a foolish enterprise!" he would often say when one of his colleagues would make a remark regarding their desire to call it a day and get some shuteye. But alas, Barry could only fight his nemesis for so long before he'd inevitably collapse in exhaustion in front of his computer or nod off at his kid's piano recital. Each and every time he'd wake up disgusted and overwhelmed at all the tasks and responsibilities that had piled up as his body defied him and took some time off.

One night, when Barry fell asleep while updating his to-do list, he had a dream. In the dream Dr. Slumber asked Barry why he despised him so. Barry told him he was pointless and lazy, the antithesis of productivity. Barry spit in Dr. Slumber's face and punched him in the nose. The doctor had never been so insulted his his life.

"Have it your way Mr. Smith, " said Dr. Slumber. "I'll be happy to take my business elsewhere. You'll never sleep again."

"Good" replied Barry. And he took off one of his shoes and threw it at Dr. Slumber as he walked away. Then Barry woke up.

It was quite literally a dream come true. Barry quickly took advantage of the extra hours and finished all the big projects he had to do around the house. New ceilings fans were installed, gutters cleaned, and landscaping completed. Next he turned his attention to his finances and paid all the bills he'd ever owe, bought all the groceries he'd ever need, did all laundry from now until the end of time, and purchased every birthday, anniversary, engagement, wedding, and baby gift that would ever be required. Then he switched gears to family time and went to every little league game that would be played, took his wife out to dinner 2,500 times, and paid an extra long visit to his parents so he could consider that done once and for all. Work was then addressed where he scheduled all future meetings back to back to back to back to get them all over with and settled every deal that needed to be done. Last but not least, Barry took all the showers he'd ever have to take, ate all the food he'd ever have to eat, and took a nice long dump - fulfilling all future trips to the bathroom in one satisfying shit session.

That took care of it. Barry was all caught up. There was nothing he'd ever have to do ever again! He looked around and saw other folks taking the train to work, making themselves sandwiches, and going to the bank. "I already took care of all of that" he jubilantly exclaimed.

Later that night, after his wife and kids had gone to sleep, Barry stood in his kitchen and considered his next move. He had already watched all the television there was to watch and read all the magazines there were to read. He couldn't even sit down because he'd already finished up all the sitting he'd ever have to do. All there was left to do was sleep, and boy could he go for a nap.

Just then he noticed a gun sitting on the kitchen counter with a note attached. It said:

[No one spits in my face, punches me in the nose, and throws a shoe at me without getting their just desserts. It's time for you and me to have a nice long talk.

Dr. Slumber]

He put the gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. It was the only thing he had left to do.

zeroth life lesson: there's always time for a nap.