Thursday, July 30, 2009

So much for the bbq / Marsha Bang


After picking up the dry cleaning he had about an hour before he had to go pick up Karl at the airport. His car was parked way the hell over on the corner of Carroll and 4th avenue so factor in a 20 minute walk to be on the safe side. That left only 40 minutes to run to the grocery store and pick up charcoal, a new tablecloth, tomatoes for the burgers, and something to offer for dessert. He should probably pick up some decent beer to offer Karl while he was at at. That prick was liable to poo poo his cases of High Life. What a dick.

On his way to the grocery store it occurred to him that it was his mother's birthday. Son of a bitch. He'd totally forgot it last year and while a phone call the day after, followed with a card the week after that, was appreciated, the despondent edge to her voice lingered months after the belated well wishes. He changed directions now and headed for the card store as he called home. Mom answered and spoke of a nice dinner, ordering the trout, his aunt, someone who had died, someone who had had a baby, and aluminum siding while he perused the aisles for the birthday / mother / religious section and pondered meat thermometers, iTunes playlists, and owning enough plastic chairs.

Walking out of the store he noticed it had suddenly become overcast. He looked up, ready to curse the weatherman who so brazenly chose the sun wearing sunglasses image, only to see no signs of cloud cover. Instead he saw a black dot in the middle of the sun, growing, casting a dark and menacing blanket across his shoes and up past his eyes. Moments later it was pitch black and a sound like television static began to rise from all directions. His eardrums ruptured before he had a chance to cover his head so he could not hear the screams or see the havoc as the world came to its close.

zeroth life lesson: when it all goes to shit pray you're not stuck at the airport like Karl.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Mr. Sunglass / Albert Intellehinto


Jogging around the park the other day I passed a man running in the opposite direction wearing a pair of sunglasses with one of the lenses missing. After an initial reaction of something along the lines of "what a jackass" I soon deduced that they must've fallen off his face while jogging, broke, and rather than throwing them away or carrying them for the rest of his jog, he decided to simply put them back on, awkward appearance be damned. Any inclinations of judgement I may have harbored quickly subsided and were replaced with admiration and respect.

Here was a guy who didn't give a shit what other people thought. If he looked like a crazy person running around the park wearing half a pair of sunglasses then so be it. He paid good money for those sunglasses. They could be fixed. Sure, he could have carried them for the rest of his run rather than wear them but that would have affected his form, created unnecessary drag, altered his stride, and thereby impeded his attack of the upcoming hill. He would rather look a little odd than compromise his run, his exercise, his body. A truer competitor I had not seen on this jogging path.

Here I am worrying about whether I'm breathing too hard and the other runners notice. Am I swinging my arms to spastically? Is my ass crack showing? Is it OK if I spit? I then realize that I'm the one that's the fool running in large circles, not my unispectacled friend.

Yes, I could learn a lot from Mr. Sunglass.

A couple days later I saw him jogging around the park again. He was wearing the same broken sunglasses.

Turns out he is a jackass.

zeroth life lesson: when it comes to judging individuals in terms of douchebaggery the first inclinations is usually the correct one.

Friday, July 24, 2009

2009 War of the Words: Grand Champion / Bernadette Peters

tutelage

One entry found.

Main Entry: tu·te·lage
Pronunciation: \tü-tə-lij, ˈtyü-\
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin tutela protection, guardian (from tutari to protect, frequentative of tueri to look at, guard) + English -age
Date: 1605

1 a: an act or process of serving as guardian or protector b: hegemony over a foreign territory
2: the state of being under a guardian or tutor
3 a: instruction especially of an individual b: a guiding influence < a business under the tutelage of a new director>

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

2009 War of the Words: Finals / Rueben Flart



A - E WINNER


(2) bludgeon



Mb - R WINNER

(2) poignant


(2) bludgeon

(1) tutelage
F - Ma WINNER

(4) havoc


S - Z WINNER

(1) tutelage

Friday, July 17, 2009

2009 War of the Words: Final Four / Wilma Skinflap



A - E

1 berserk
2
bludgeon



Mb - R

5 module
2
poignant




2 bludgeon





2 poignant




havoc 4





tutelage
1
F - Ma

havoc 4
gargle 6


S - Z

tutelage 1
squadron 2

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

2009 War of the Words: Elite Eight / Arlene Humdinger



A - E


1 berserk
5 diabolical

3 cognizant
2
bludgeon


Mb - R

1
morph
5 module

11
oblong
2
poignant



1 berserk

2
bludgeon





5
module

2
poignant



havoc 4

gargle
6





tutelage 1

squadron 2
F - Ma

inoculate 9
havoc 4

gargle 6
juxtaposition 2


S - Z

tutelage 1
vigilante 4

sheathing 6
squadron 2

Friday, July 10, 2009

2009 War of the Words: Sweet Sixteen / Ivan Ernererer


A - E

1 berserk
5 diabolical

3 cognizant
2 bludgeon

Mb - R

1 morph
5 module

11 oblong
2 poignant


________

________






________

________




________

________






________

________


F - Ma

inoculate 9
havoc 4

gargle 6
juxtaposition 2

S - Z

tutelage 1
vigilante 4

sheathing 6
squadron 2

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

2009 War of the Words: S - Z Region / Maximilian Deadpan



S - Z REGION
1 tutelage
16 vapor

8 verbose
9 tumultuous

5 typhoon
12 subterranean

4 vigilante
13 toboggan

6 sheathing
11 underling

3 vernacular
14 turbo

7 trough
10 undulate

2 squadron
15 trifling

1 tutelage
9 tumultuous




12 subterranean
4 vigilante



6 sheathing
14 turbo




10 undulate
2 squadron

________
________







________
________


_________
_______
_________

Friday, July 3, 2009

2009 War of the Words: Mb - R Region / Tamara Creamera


Mb - R REGION
1 morph
16 ramification

8 pseudonym
9 quagmire

5 module
12 propaganda

4 microcosm
13 relic

6 minutia
11 oblong

3 rhetoric
14 puncture

7 obsidian
10 realm

2 poignant
15 pragmatic

1 morph
8 pseudonym




5 module
4 microcosm



11 oblong
3 rhetoric




10 realm
2 poignant

________
________







________
________


_________
_______
_________