Proximity to Tom / Buzzard

People always come up to me on the street and say, "If you could ask God one question, what would it be?" And I’m always tempted to respond with a classic like, ‘What is the meaning of life?’ or ‘Will mankind ever be able to travel through time?’ but I always can't help but think that if I had the opportunity, I’d ask God a completely random and original question that no one else would know the answer to. Like something along the lines of - "What was the exact moment of my life that I was closest to Tom Hanks - proximity wise?" I don't know why but I just think it would be interesting to see just how close I’ve come to meeting him. 

And it would probably throw God off a little. He’d be like, “Who? . . . Tom Hanks? . . . That's your question? . . Why would you want to? . . Just a minute. . . . OK here it is. April 23rd, 1989. You were in a St. Louis gas station trying on sunglasses, and Tom Hanks was at the Dairy Queen ordering a fudge dipped cone." 

And I’d say, “Well, was the gas station very close to the Dairy Queen?” and God would reply, “Heh. It was one of those gas stations that had a Dairy Queen inside!” And I’d be like, “Wow! That’s pretty close to Tom Hanks - proximity wise. And I never knew! Fuck I totally blew it. He was right there! Thanks God.”


“No problem.”