Chapter 6: Bonding with your P.S.P. / Peninsula

The following is an excerpt from J.P. Pekensmythe's award winning and life changing book, "Sucessality is within your grasp!!!: The Seven Levels to R.P.S."

Step #1: Find someone who’s the opposite of you. If you’re five foot six find someone whose six foot five. If you fancy pancakes with syrup find someone who prefers waffles with motor oil. If you’re a parrot find yourself a terradactyl. We’ll call this person your Polar Sanity Partner.

Step #2: Find a location away from the shim and sham of it all that is easily accessible to both you and your P.S.P. A city park, a nearby cornfield, or a large conference room all do the trick. We'll call this place your Predesignated Mind Mesh Region.

Step #3: Meet at your P.M.M.R. every evening just before midnight. Stand about thirty feet apart facing each other. At the count of three start walking towards each other, clapping your hands and stating your name with each step. Once you reach each other touch wristwatches and begin to circle one another while gnashing your teeth.

Step #4: Remove your belts, sit on the ground back-to-back, take out your work ID or business card, place it in the palm of your hand, and high five your P.S.P. so that the IDs and/or business cards "become one". Keep your hands in this position high above your heads as you touch foreheads with your P.S.P. and begin confessing your biggest fears. A typical exchange may entail:

You: "I fear someone is following me waiting to pull the chair away each time I sit."
P.S.P.: "I fear poison door knobs."
You: "I fear the relationship between my right and left foot will grow so strained that one day soon they will attack each other."
P.S.P.: "I fear Mark Sanderson."
You: "I fear a famous director will make an unflattering movie based on my life."
P.S.P.: "I fear cyborgs."

Step #5: On the count of 3 sprint away from each other in opposite directions and hide behind the nearest rock or tree or chair (if you are in a conference room). From your hiding spot begin taking turns lobbing tennis balls at each other while addressing each other with monosyllabic words/names in the following fashion:

You: "I call you Gar - You call me Krin!"
P.S.P.: "I call you Krin - You call me Waughf!"
You: "I call you Waughf - You call me Det!"
P.S.P.: "I call you Det - You call me Yat!"
You: "I call you Yat - You call me Miv!"
P.S.P.: "I call you Miv - You call me Quoob!"

Continue this type of exchange until both of you are out of tennis balls.

Step #6: Emerge from your hiding places, approach each other and stand back-to-back, interlock your arms and begin to twirl.

Step #7: Continue to twirl until the mind mesh begins and the line between your darkest secret and your P.S.P.'s favorite cereal begins to blur. Once you become mutually aware of each other's need for a bowel movement the evening's mental osmosis is complete and you may cease the twirling and head home.

If you follow this simple 7 step procedure for 6 - 8 weeks you will notice the landscape of your P.M.M.R. begin to change. The ground will begin to swell and crack. A month more of diligent adherence to the regiment and two individual concrete structures will begin to rise. After one year of strict observance your P.M.M.R. will be transformed into two gorgeous concrete 30 foot high statues of you and your P.S.P. triumphantly riding horses and carrying various weapons, trumpets, and flags.
Your concrete statues will eventually turn to granite, then to marble, then to gold, then morph into one statue, then transform into actual memories implanted in every child at conception.

Congratulations! You and your P.S.P. have achieved level D status and are well on your way to becoming a Reciprocal Prosper System.