Every time I cross the street despite the don't walk sign when other people are waiting .
When I pretend not to be flustered when an inaudible announcement is made over the P.A. system of the subway.
When I call pizza 'pie' while ordering it over the phone.
When I argue with cab drivers.
Each time I explain the whole "selling candy to pay for basketball jerseys" scam.
When I pretended not to care that one time I saw Martha Plimpton on the subway.
Each time I order "one with everything" from the guy in the falafel cart.When things are slow at work on Jewish holidays.
Every time I walk through my bedroom to get from my living room to my kitchen.
When I have to explain the giant inflatable rat on the sidewalk.
When I bitch about Ernie Anastos.
When I pretend not to get freaked out by the type of food they sell in buckets in Chinatown.
Each time I ignore the man wearing the garbage bag.
When I pay my kid's nanny in cash.
When the crazy man asks me if I've found Jesus and I reply to him with sincerity, "I think I just saw him a few blocks back that way."
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