You're standing in the subway on your way to work when it occurs to you that you have yet to say a word today. You woke up, took a shower, got dressed, watched Sports Center, checked your email, ate breakfast, brushed your teeth, grabbed the paper, looked in the mirror, headed out the door, walked to the subway, swiped your metrocard, and managed to squeeze your way onto the crowded train without once utilizing your vocal cords.
You clear your throat but it isn't the same. You need to say something. The subway stops to let more people on and you seize the opportunity to hear your own voice.
"Pack it in people. Let's get comfortable."
There are a few chuckles before people resume to jockeying for optimum personal space but you feel good, like you can continue on with your day.
Just then the woman standing next to you says "You're not as smart or funny as you make yourself out to be and you know it."
The man standing behind you follows suit. "You're a terrible brother" he says.
Soon everyone on the train is looking at you and stating your faults, your failures, your secrets.
"You don't pay enough attention to your dog."
"You won't invest in a decent toothbrush and it's embarrassing."
"You're failure to choose a definitive hairstyle is a lame attempt to veil your insecurities as a father."
"You only payed $20 for that suit and it's obvious."
"You're an indecisive coward."
Feeling you need to defend yourself, but without the deep knowledge of those standing around you that your fellow commuters seem to posses, you try your best to retort.
"You're insult was poorly worded" you say to the kid kneeling on the door.
"You're below average height" you say to the woman on your left.
"Your hat is too purple."
"You look like you need a haircut."
"You're jacket does not look warm enough."
"Your shoe is not tied very tight."
But it's no use. You are defeated in every sense of the word. With tears welling in your eyes the subway comes to your stop and you fight your way off the train, being pelted with more insulting personal truths every step of the way. The doors close behind you and the voices finally stop. You drop to your knees to take a deep breath, regain your composure, and prepare to face the rest of your day.
zeroth life lesson: never speak unless spoken to.
The man standing behind you follows suit. "You're a terrible brother" he says.
Soon everyone on the train is looking at you and stating your faults, your failures, your secrets.
"You don't pay enough attention to your dog."
"You won't invest in a decent toothbrush and it's embarrassing."
"You're failure to choose a definitive hairstyle is a lame attempt to veil your insecurities as a father."
"You only payed $20 for that suit and it's obvious."
"You're an indecisive coward."
Feeling you need to defend yourself, but without the deep knowledge of those standing around you that your fellow commuters seem to posses, you try your best to retort.
"You're insult was poorly worded" you say to the kid kneeling on the door.
"You're below average height" you say to the woman on your left.
"Your hat is too purple."
"You look like you need a haircut."
"You're jacket does not look warm enough."
"Your shoe is not tied very tight."
But it's no use. You are defeated in every sense of the word. With tears welling in your eyes the subway comes to your stop and you fight your way off the train, being pelted with more insulting personal truths every step of the way. The doors close behind you and the voices finally stop. You drop to your knees to take a deep breath, regain your composure, and prepare to face the rest of your day.
zeroth life lesson: never speak unless spoken to.
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