Stupid hat, wind / Gasket

Jesus.

Gusty day today.

Whoopsie.

There goes my hat.

Boy I bet that sure looked stupid.

Wonder if anyone noticed.

Luckily it didn't blow away too far.

Sitting on the sidewalk just behind me.

I think I'll just nonchalantly bend down to pick it back up.

It is a brand new hat, after all.

No one appears to be looking, so. . .

Whoopsie.

Damn wind just blew it another couple feet down the sidewalk as I reached for it.

Boy I bet that sure looked stupid.

Wonder if anyone noticed.

Shit, that woman across the street is totally staring at me.

Now what?

Maybe I should just forget it and walk away.

I can afford another hat, at least that's what I want that woman to think.

What's another hat? I got closets full of 'em.

I bet my hair looks stupid.

Totally sticking up in the back.

I can feel the wind whipping it to and fro.

She's still staring.

She's either staring at my stupid hair or wondering if I'm going to make another lame attempt at picking up the hat.

No wait, she's probably wondering why I don't just pick it up.

Just snatch that cap and pull it tight around my head.

Claim what's mine.

Like a man.

It's only like 5 feet away.

Only a pussy would walk away from their own hat when it's so close.

Then again, if I reach down to pick it up and the wind blows it further away before I grab it I might as well just drop my pants, make myself trip, and call it a day.

Why'd I even buy that stupid hat?

Fuckin' newsboy cap. Doesn't even look good on me.

What am I trying to prove?

Hey, look at me, I'm wearing a fucking newsboy cap. I'm with it. I'm looking for attention. I'm trying to get laid.

Might as well be wearing some glow-in-the-dark Kanye sunglasses.

OK. Just standing here like a jackass isn't looking too keen either.

Quick decision.

I'm going to walk away.

Yes.

I'm going to walk away, put my hands in my pockets, and try to look cool.

Like I don't give a shit.

Here I go.

- - - - - -

Shit. She's saying something.

Ignore it.

She's probably talking to someone else.

- - - - - -

Nope. That's definitely directed towards me.

"What?"

"Oh"

"Yes. That is my hat."

"Thanks!"

Well that idea backfired.

Pick up the fucking hat and go home.

Run.