Dad's Seagal syndrome / Pilgrim

>Happy birthday Pop.

-Wow! What's this?

>It's your birthday present. Open it.

-Ohhh. Steven Seagal! He's good. What's this one now?

>It's 'Out for Justice'. It's like your all-time favorite movie.

-No. . . No. I don’t think I’ve seen this one.

>Sure you have. This is the one where Seagal's a cop that plays by his own rules. His best friend is shot dead in broad daylight in front of his wife and kids by the drug kingpin Richie Madano, Seagal's arch enemy since childhood. It's got that scene you love where he walks into Ritchie Madano’s bar and kicks the guy’s ass with pool cue and knocks out the Chinese guy’s teeth with the 8 ball wrapped in a handkerchief.

-Oh yeah! And Seagal's the cook.

>No you're thinking of 'Under Siege'.

-'Under Siege'? What's that one. I don't think I've seen it.

>It's the one you were just talking about. Where a group of terrorists take over a battleship and hold the entire crew and nuclear arsenal hostage. Except they forget about the cook – who just happens to be a former Green Beret who plays by his own rules.

-What?

>The one where Steven Seagal throws a cake pan like a Chinese star and sticks a terrorist to the pantry door.

-You're kidding me!! I've never seen that one before.

>I got you the DVD last Christmas. We watched that one and 'Hard to Kill' like six times.

-'Hard to Kill'? You mean the Sylvester Stallone one?

>No. 'Hard to Kill' is another Steven Seagal movie where he plays Mason Storm, a cop who plays by his own rules, who is gunned down in his home. The intruders kill his wife and think they've killed both Seagal and his son too. He's secretly taken to a hospital where he spends several years in a coma. When Seagal wakes up, he goes ape shit on his son, his best friend, his nurse, and all the dudes that tried to kill him.

-Right. I remember. And then he starts picking off people one by one in the woods.

>That's 'Rambo - First Blood'. It's what we're watching right now.

-Really? Ohhh this is a good one!