The plaque no one ever reads / Spatula

Right alongside the bike path on the northeastern side of McCarren park there's a large boulder with the following plaque affixed:

"Here lies the much fabled Slightly Slighted Stone."

"It suddenly appeared at this very spot on a Sunday afternoon about 15 million years ago. Scientists across the globe have been queried as to its origins but no consensus can be reached. Exactly 16.667% of the scientists agree its of martian decent, 16.667% declare it the fallen fruit of the now extinct rock tree, 16.667% say that local legend 'Caveman Carl' carried it here from his prehistoric living room, 16.667% are certain it's nothing but petrified dinosaur chewing gun, 16.667% deem it the half-assed and ultimately failed original attempt at Mt. Rushmore, and 16.667% claim that it doesn't even exist and that it's a figment of your imagination."

"Its origin notwithstanding, the Slightly Slighted Stone has brought tremendous luck to all who regard it as pertinent and general malaise to all who dismiss it as stereotypical, community-oriented, dedicated landmark mularky. Confucious was staring at this very rock when he came up with that whole 'even water can wear away the hardest rock' teaching. William Shakespeare once spent an afternoon sitting on this rock and composed 'Romeo & Juliet' before the park closed that same day. Eli Whiney used this rock to sketch his original design of the cotton gin. Phil Jackson kicked this rock in frustration before coming up with the idea of the 'Triangle Offense'. An impressive list of the human race's heavy hitters to say the least."

"So the choice is yours hot shot. You can take a moment and read this plaque, appreciate the stone's beauty and history, and allow good fortune to rain down on you like fire from the great volcanos that resided here eons past, or you can simply stroll your fat ass on by listening to your fucking iPod as you lick that ice cream cone and continue your life of struggle, uncertainty, and overall apathy towards your future and family."

zeroth life lesson: take the time to appreciate your community's landmarks lest you die lonely and unhappy.