Funeral bulletin / Burglar

Richard Zeroth. . A good life and a decent death . . In Memoriam
October 7, 1977 - June 13, 2064

"Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything." K. Vonnegut

We thank you for coming. We ask that you proceed into the appropriate room based on your relationship with the deceased.

Friends to the right. Enemies to the left.

. . . . . . . God Bless. . . . . . .

ENEMIES Prelude Music- -looping track of cats screaming Opening Remarks- -asshole next-door neighbor of the deceased -Passing of Collection Plate-* Single-Serving-o-Rice Line- -choice of wild or brown -Passing of Collection Plate-* Musical Saw Duet- "We Were Wrong" by ex-girlfriends who dumped the deceased Revelation/Worship of lower torso Tribute- "You Were Right All Along" -representative from billing department of Sprint -Passing of Collection Plate-* Musical Selection- Eddie Bell (4th-grade bully) "Sorry About That" Benediction Postlude Music- -looping track of pigs being slaughtered Dedication of the Grave

FRIENDS Prelude Music- -"Gonna Make You Sweat"(C&C Music Factory) Opening Remarks- -mother of the deceased -Cribbage- All-You-Can-Eat Taco Bar - -choice of chicken or beef -Campfire- Slide Whistle Duet- "How Great Thou Art" by Dan & Kristie Zeroth (brother & sister) Revelation/Worship of upper torso Tribute- "Genius? Yes. Super Genius? Probably" -Steven Hawking -Ping Pong Tournament- Musical Selection- Rick Zeroth (father) "Get Outta My Dreams, Get into My Car" Benediction Postlude Music- -"Easy Like Sunday Morning" (Lionel Ritchie) Desecration of the Grave

. . . . . . . Refreshments. . . . . . .

*we thank you for your donation. All proceeds go to the construction of the Zeroth School for the Sublime