Eight explanations of a shadow / Licorice whip

1. Crazy coffee stain that keeps following you.
2. Malfunctioning shoe laser.
3. Stated side effect of those new vitamins you're trying.
4. The rough image cast by an object blocking rays of illumination.
5. Pure wackiness manifested in dark matter mocking your every move from below.
6. Charles Grigsby playing one of his jokes again.
7. What you look like to blind people.
8. The past. The ever-lingering, god-damned, regrettable past.