Quite the asterisk / Rhubarb

Douglas Nevins had to try pretty hard to feel hard of luck. A special lady, a little rug rat, a loyal pooch, square footage to spare – the whole ball of wax so to speak. Yet all he had didn’t add up to it. It being thee it. The it that makes all the difference. The it that doesn’t pay the bills but makes the bills not worth paying. The it that doesn’t add the cherry on top but tops that cherry with chocolate sprinkles. The it that doesn’t add hours to your day but still adds years to your life. That sort of thing. That sort of it.

So Doug quit his 9-5 and went looking for it. He became a construction worker specializing in churches and hospitals and puppy farms and such. Thought he might find it through calloused hands and a sweaty brow. He had it for a sec but lost it.
So Doug quit the construction gig and kept looking. He spearheaded an after-school program for underprivileged inner city kids with skin problems and shabby shoes. Thought he might find it in the smiles and the betterment of others. He had it for a sec but lost it.
So Doug said his goodbyes to the kids and kept looking. He joined a rock and roll band called Human Resources that sounded sort of like Radiohead but was even more experimental and infused. Thought he might find it somewhere in between the fame and the who-ha pills. He had it for a sec but lost it.
So Doug orchestrated a farewell tour and kept looking. He finagled his way onto an Alaskan man-eating crab fishing expedition that refused to set sail in calm waters. Thought he might find it deep down amidst the salty sea spray and the rocking deck. He had it for a sec but lost it.
So Doug jumped ship and swan to the Far East. He trained with Buddhist monks for several years where he learned to ignore pain, tell the future, survive without food, and breathe through his hands. He forsook his family, his name, and his gender. He was brainwashed, castrated, and took the name of Siurn Matta. Eventually he forgot everything there was to forget about his former life. Then one day, many moons later, Siurn was teleporting across the barren Gobi desert when he noticed something half buried in the sand. The moment he saw it he knew what it was. Siurn picked up the banana* and as he stared at it complete clarity enveloped him in a refreshing gush. He had finally found it. Doug laughed/cried for joy so hard he ceased to breath. His hands were no help as they were clutching it ever so tightly. He died the only happy man.

*other possible its:
-magic jewel rock
-Brett Favre
-brown paper packages tied up in strings
-Tennis Ball
-tattoo of barbed wire around upper arm
-scepter
-lifetime supply of milk
-Oct. 7th, 1991
-picture of wife
-ace of spades
-good solid walking stick
-Hope
-Love
-Peppermint schnapps

zeroth life lesson: the secret of life is embracing your individuality. the rest is just a carefully choreographed circus.