Word(s) to the wise / Toll booth

The basic concept behind the world isn’t all that important all long as you remember to never speak to apparitions and never fully answer questions. Two taps for maybe and one tap for probably not and then move on to the next wise guy regardless of the resulting confusion or nearby explosions.
Speaking of which, a lady stopped me on the street today and asked we which weighed more – a year’s worth of haircuts or a year’s worth of nail clippings. I gladly shook her hand, gave her a wink and said that I wasn’t sure what she was implying, but I was quite happy with my long distance service.
The next time you see Jake if you could do me a favor and tell that awkwardly tall piece of shit that not only have I never met him, I have a hard time believing he even exists.
The delete button makes as a poor substitution for the pencil eraser – make the kids blow those rubber scraps from the smudged paper I say. You don’t say? I think that’s what I just said.