Re: opening ceremonies proposal / Tentacle

Hey Lord-

Funny you should ask as I was pondering the same thing. How about something like this:

The entire world population is gathered around their grandmother's kitchen table. Everyone can see and is aware of everyone else as this is one humongous table (think Noah's Ark?) but at the same time the setting has the familiar feeling of each individual's own grandmother's home. Sorta like when you have a dream where you're in your 5th grade classroom but you're at work at the same time. Anyways, casserole dishes are passed around that are overflowing with heaping portions of favorite foods. Silverware is clinking. Familiar and humorous stories are being regaled. Uncles are breaking wind and aunts are scolding them. Then Grandma enters from the kitchen and says, "Did anybody remember to say grace?"

Suddenly everything goes black!!! The doily upon which the table's gorgeous carnation centerpiece rested has turned into a black hole and has engulfed everything, including the hush puppy hotdish.

All that remains are the souls of the people.

Several moments pass.

Then, just before the darkness seeps into the souls, sending them into oblivion, a pinpoint of light appears. That pinpoint slowly grows into a soft spotlight in which stands a little girl. The little girl walks around for awhile in such a way that it becomes evident that she is meant to represent the world (we'll figure that out later - a name-tag perhaps?).

The little girl will then approach an antique vanity and peer inside. At the same instant the spotlight will move to reveal another vanity mirror set against the back of the first one facing in the opposite direction. The spotlight will then move a tad further to reveal the world peering into the second vanity mirror. The world will then back away from the mirror in the same way that the little girl approached the first one and will continue to mime the little girl's actions in reverse so that it becomes evident that the world is meant to represent the little girl.

Suddenly everything is flooded in brilliant light!!! 666 nuclear bombs are detonated simultaneously but instead of killing everyone it simply reminds everyone that the devil is real and wants you to teach swear words to your little sister and look at dirty magazines and steal packs of baseball cards from 7/11, etc. etc. The radiation and smoke from the bombs is thick and begins to gather above, forming a dense fog. The fog is then cooled by the magic breath of the Holy Spirit and the resulting droplets form into single celled organisms.

Cue the theme to Star Wars.

The single celled organisms then turn into amebas, which turn into tadpoles, which turn into water moccasins, so on and so forth. As this is happening the theme to Star Wars should be increasing in volume as well as speed. By the time the sea cow turns into an ape that turns into the little girl the Star Wars theme should be playing at the speed of light rendering it virtually indecipherable. The little girl should then eat a Big Mac and then explode into 7 trillion billion pieces, each piece transforming into different animals, plants, famous historical figures, economic systems, and emotions so that all are represented.

Then I assume we could end with the old standard: Huey Lewis' 'Hip to be Square' being played as all the entities initially dance, then bicker, then wage war, then consume each other so that all that's left at the end is a ficus, feudalism, Colonel Sanders, paranoia, and a wise-cracking badger. They walk off into the darkness to meet with executives regarding a pitch for a sitcom.

Lemme know if this is what you had in mind. As always, I'd be happy to get together and discuss further.

btw - thanks for the heads up regarding the hanger incident. Your utmost discretion regarding this delicate matter is greatly appreciated.

Your humble servant-

-rz

----Original Message----

From: Almighty, Lord

Sent: Wednesday, August 13, 2008

02:09 PM Eastern Standard Time

To: Zeroth, Richard

Cc: Christ, Jesus

Subject: opening ceremonies proposal

Hi Richard-

Hope all is well. Jesus and I were catching up on some Olympic coverage via the Tivo in the ole' rec room and were thinking that heaven could use its own opening ceremony type deal. You know, something to really get all the new angels jazzed. Figured this might be right up your alley. Don't forget - you owe me one.

Any thoughts/recommendations/ideas would be appreciated.

Hope all is well and keep your chin up (nobody knows about the stinky hanger).

-la