. . . one of these / Marmot

Caught you at my sales presentation catching some z’s.
Next time you doze off when I'm speaking I’ll give you one of these.(1)

Noticed you hanging out at Belinda’s desk, shooting the breeze.
If you ever get past first base I’ll give you one of these.(2)

Mike said he saw you in the break room stealing my cottage cheese.
If I ever catch you red-handed I’ll give you one of these.(3)

Rumor has it you're ordering lunch and were considering Chinese.
If you think I can get in on that I’ll give you one of these.(4)

Heard you’ve requested some face time in front of the board of trustees.
If you even think of mentioning my shenanigans I'll give you one of these.(5)

(1) Hand clenched in a fist
(2) Hand raised waiting for high five
(3) Right index finger slid slowly across throat
(4) $10 bill
(5) Pelvic thrusting motion with hands on hips