First things first - custom dictates that you plan your visit on a windy day, preferably in late autumn. Rain should be in the forecast. It’s proper to approach the grave site with your hands in your pockets, the wind lightly blowing your hair. Leaves should also be blowing. Once you reach the headstone there are two appropriate courses of action. You may either look up towards the heavens and bite your lower lip as you fight back tears, or you may drop to one knee, make your hand into a fist and gently bite that hand’s index finger as you fight back tears. Do whichever one feels more natural - totally up to you. If it hasn’t started raining at this point feel free to spend several minutes sobbing as the wind blows through your hair. Again, leaves should be blowing as well. Do not attempt to speak before the rain begins. Once it starts raining there are several appropriate things you may say. Feel free to choose one of more utterances from the list provided below:
-Why?
-I’m sorry.
-Henry's doing great in school.
-Why God?
-I tried.
-Damn you Jim!
-You were right.
-Why God, Why?
-Clarence sends his regards.
By this time the wind should be wildly tossing leaves and the rain picking up in intensity. Now pay attention because this last part is crucial – it’s traditional for a long lost friend, estranged parent, concerned teacher, or archenemy to approach you from behind. Even though you may know they are there do not acknowledge their presence. It's customary for this person to then say, “I thought I’d find you here.”
Congratulations! You’ve successfully visited a gravesite.
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