Dear Burt -
Thank you for your interest in our open position of Head Bee Beard here at Last Resort Entertainment, Inc. After careful and deliberate consideration we must inform you that we cannot offer you employment at this time. While your resume is immaculate in terms of Bee Beard Model experience, we are actually looking to employ an actual Bee Beard. Frankly I'm surprised I have to tell you this as the job posting clearly states "Experienced Bee Beard Needed" not "Experienced Bee Beard Model Needed". An honest oversite on your part no doubt - but I digress. If you are still looking for employment would you happen to have any interest in a new position we're creating here called Bee Beard Recruiter? I ask because we feel strongly that you'd be a great fit given your extensive experience in the Bee Beard community. Truth is, we've had a hell of a time tracking down any Bee Beards at all and we could use all the help we can get. Bee Beard Models like yourself? Dime a Dozen. Actual Bee Beards? Not so much. It's crazy. Do you happen to know any Bee Beards that might be interested? Tell me this - is there even such thing as a Bee Beard? Not in terms of an object or tangible thing, because we both know they exist, but in terms of a conscious entity that has the ability to reply to job postings. Do Bee Beards have the capacity to do that? Because I'll tell you the God's honest truth here, Burt, I'm starting to have my doubts considering our lack of viable applicants. Any information you might have to help us get to the bottom of this Bee Beard fiasco would be greatly appreciated. At any rate, thanks for your time and for your interest in our company. We'll keep your resume on file in case anything blah blah blah you know the routine.
Best of luck in all your endeavors,
Floyd Jenkins
Executive Fish Stick
Last Resort Entertainment, Inc.
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And as Jimmy walked down the 3rd Ave. sidewalk he wondered to himself how young he looked compared to all the other people walking around on the street. Maybe I should grow a goatee or wear a more grown-up hairstyle. There, like that guy. He must be a business traveler, cutting across the street in a full pinstripe suit with a store-bought coffee cup in his hand. Tan cardboard jacket. When I get back to the office I'm going to see if there's a website for men's hairstyles.
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