Betabet soup / Defibrillator

Take a seat young man and allow me to tell you the tale of Solomon Grigsby. They* called him “The Betabet Man”, a moniker earned by taking a little thing called the alphabet to the next level. The year was 1929 and the English language was in desperate need of a kick to the shorts. Folks were tired of the same old ABCD, XYZ, and especially LMNOP. Good ole’ Mr. Grigsby turned the language you and I know so well on it’s phonetic ass by single-handedly adding the letters Lee**, Hap***, and Tripletal**** (spelled here phonetically as today’s keyboards fail to include them). He did so in a gin inspired, frantically written letter to his wife (who was sleeping in the next room) where he felt the things that needed to be said could not be expressed with the standard 26 letters used to compose this here modest story. While the letter was never read by his wife, Solomon’s brother Peter came across it years later while snooping through his deceased sibling’s sock drawer. Peter stole Solomon's letter, memorized it, and ate it, seemingly destroying the only evidence of the achievement. The next day he went to his noodle assembly line job at Campbell’s and secretly created the rarest can of Alphabet Soup the world has ever seen. Rumor has it the sole can of Betabet Soup has been passed down among the Grigsbys from generation to generation but the family denies any knowledge of such a can. A representative from Sotheby’s said that if the can does in fact exist it would be appraised at $87.

*His brother
**The letter ‘Lee’ looked allot like an inverted capital ‘D’ except it had a small line crossing the middle of the vertical line on the right hand side.
***‘Hap’ was basically a box with a dot in the middle.
****‘Tripletal’ looked like a drawing of a sailboat with a little man inside fishing for sturgeon.