Professor two piles / Vern Carnal

So let's say you have two piles of something. Anything. It could be tires, or sewing needles, or old phone bills. Literally any object would work. And let's say the ultimate goal is here is one pile. Somehow these piles need to be unified. That is your job. The responsibility rests on you. So basically it's two parts, right? Fully eliminating pile #1 and adding to the size of pile #2. Seems like a lot to handle for what initially seemed to be a pretty easy task, right? I mean when someone says to you "I need you to combine these two piles" it sounds pretty straight forward, and I'm not saying that it's not, it's just that it doesn't immediately come across as a two-step process, which it most certainly is. Two steps because you are dealing with two piles.

But there's no need to fret.

What I'm here to tell you today is that there's a revolutionary way of thinking that I've devised that will assist you greatly when faced with this two pile scenario. In order to fully comprehend it we need to take a closer look at this two-step process.

So let's break that down step by step. Like I said before, the first step is eliminating the first pile. So what do we need to do to accomplish that? Anyone? . . . That's correct! We need to physically remove the items from the first pile. And how would one do that? You, right there in the front. That's right. We pick up the item! Now here it's important to note that there are several ways to pick up items. You could, of course, use your hands. You could use a shovel. You could use some sort of machinery. It all depends on the make-up and size of the particular items in the pile in question. But let's not get bogged down in that. That's Pile 404 material. We want to stay on track here. The important point to take away here is that the items need to be picked up. Simple as that. Everyone with me so far? Great! Now, moving on to step two. Now we need to increase the size of second pile. And how is that done? Anyone? . . . OK I'll tell you. The second pile is increased by adding the items from the initial pile. I know what you're thinking. "Whoa slow down teach". I know I know, just hang with me for one second here.

So, if the second step is achieved by adding items from the initial pile, we need to then somehow obtain those items, correct? So who remembers where we left off with the first step? This is the key to the whole process so pay attention. What were we doing at the end of step one? We were picking up the items from the first pile. Do you see what I'm getting at here?!? We already have the item in our possession!! Step two is nothing more than a continuation of step one! Do you understand? Allow me to rephrase. And it might be a good idea to jot this down.

You can simultaneously eliminate pile #1 and add to pile #2 by physically moving items from one pile to the other in a single fluid motion.

I'll say it again.

You can both eliminate pile #1 and add to pile #2 AT THE SAME TIME by moving the items from one pile to the other pile in a single fluid motion.

I call it the "two pile" method and it's worked wonders for me. I can't begin to express to you the simple satisfaction gained from moving an item from one pile to another and knowing deep within my bones that not only did I make one pile smaller, I also made the other pile that much bigger! It's taking the idea of killing two birds with one stone to a whole 'nother level folks.

Are there any questions?

Yes. You sir, in the back. . .

Good question. The answer is yes, you could conceivably move several items at the same time but for the sake of this lecture we will not be addressing multiple item moves. Feel free to approach me afterwords, however, and I'd be happy to discuss.

Anyone else?

Uh huh. . . Sure. . . Let me stop you there. You're problem is that you're failing to grasp the idea of picking up the object AND moving the object AT THE SAME TIME. If we did it your way we'd be stuck with more and more items in our hands until we simply couldn't hold anymore, quickly approaching full carrying capacity status without a single item successfully transported. That's something we need to avoid if we ever hope to achieve full pile consolidation.

Next question.

No, that's possible. Sorry. . . . Right. . . OK. . . Look, I see what you're saying but the whole set of circumstances you've outlined is irrelevant because you can't have piles of piles. At least it's never been done to my knowledge. Ok then.

Alright if there's nothing else please come up to the front and pick up your piles. Please remember to take two. I have them all numbered so don't think you can just take one, claimed you've combined them, and get away with it. I'm looking at you, Karl.

Good luck everybody. See you Thursday.