Exit attire / Ray Stats

It's 2:00 in the morning. You wake up to find your bedroom engulfed in flames. What do you do?

It's 1:30 in the morning. You wake up to the sound of a burglar crashing through your living room window with a tire iron. What do you do?

It's 4:00 in the morning. You're awakened by a phone call from your best friend saying that he's standing outside bleeding to death from multiple stab wounds. What do you do?

It's 3:17 in the morning. Your significant other shakes you awake and points out that outside it's raining gold coins. What do you do?

What do you do?

The correct answer to all of these questions, of course, is get outside as fast as possible.

But what are you wearing? Boxers? T-shirt and panties? Will Smith pj's? Nothing at all? Either way you're not dressed appropriately. You look like a fat idiot.

Now there's no need to talk to the fire department or take your friend to the hospital dressed in your skivvies. Now there's no need to waste precious seconds pulling on pants as the burglar walks towards you with the tire iron or as your neighbors collect the falling bounty of the treasure plane that exploded high above.

Ladies and Gentlemen allow me to introduce you to Exit Attire^TM!

Exit Attire^TM is a sophisticated yet simple clothing system that's stored conveniently and discreetly in any door or above any entry way. Exit Attire^TM is a technologically advanced film designed to cover your hideous body akin to saran wrap. Constructed of a patented fire and ice retardant polymer it's intricately patterned with a variety of looks so that, when applied to a modestly clad body, it creates the illusion of a fully and well dressed individual.

Here's how it works.

In a manner of seconds you can pull the Exit Attire^TM clothing system from the side of a closet door or from the top of a entry way. Not unlike unrolling a movie projector or a roll of wrapping paper. Once unveiled simply walk or run through the unrolled polymer film and you are as good as dressed!

Now you can run away from that burglar "dressed" in style.

Now you can be the envy of your best friend as you call him an ambulance looking at dapper as you did at that fancy dinner party.

Now you don't have to look like an asshole standing on the sidewalk in your underpants as your house burns down to the ground.

Available in multiple styles:

The Weekender

First Communion

Hipster

Big Interview

The Sweatshirt & Shorts Look

Back from the Gym

Red Carpet

Dracula

Exit Attire^TM! For when you need to look good in a pinch when you don't look good in your underpants.

[now available with breathing and excretion holes]