Caterpillar filth / Thad Macintube

My daughter has this toy that's a caterpillar with 26 legs, one for each letter of the alphabet. Each leg has a button that, when pushed, make the sound of that letter. Of course the first thing I did was attempt to make the caterpillar swear. I was surprised, disappointed, and relieved all at the same time to find that I could make the caterpillar say "Ffff" then "Uhhh" but when I hit the 'K' button instead of saying "Kuh" to finish the F-bomb the toy first said "Ha ha ha ha ha. That tickles!" It wouldn't say 'fuck'. So some poor schlub at LeapFrog got stuck with the job of determining every offensive word that could be pronounced with the 26 basic sounds of the alphabet (no need to worry about words like 'shit' or 'bitch' because there's no leg or combination of legs that make the 'shh' or 'ch' sound) and programming in that giggle every time some perverted dad or older brother tried to make the caterpillar utter profanity.

As odd/funny/disturbing as that is, it turns out whoever was in charge of this didn't do that great of a job. After extensive testing I've provided my findings below.

Words the caterpillar will not say:

TIT

DICK

FUCK

CUM

ASS

DAMN

Words I wanted to test but couldn't because they are impossible to pronounce using the phonetic sounds of the 26 letters of the alphabet (oh well):

SHIT

BITCH

BOOB

PUSSY

Words the caterpillar will say:

JIZZ

CUNT

NIGGER

If you're going to take steps to ensure your educational product cannot accidentally teach kids words that would make grandma cry how can you forget to address arguably the two most offensive words in the english language? Furthermore, "Cum" isn't allowed but "Jizz" is?

Either the language specialist at LeapFrog did a half-assed job programming their filth spewing caterpillar or this father's mind has reached gutter depths no respectable toy manufacturer could be expected to comprehend.

Let's just say to this day I haven't mustered the nerve to demonstrate the toy spouting off the c-word to my wife for fear that she will never think of me the same way ever again.