Interview with guy who rides one of those bikes where you're sitting down, almost lying on your back / Gilbert {pronounced: jhel-BEAR} Gilbert

Hi Phil.  Thanks for meeting with me today.

No problem.  It's my pleasure.

So what's the deal with that bike?

It's called a recumbent.  It's more ergonomically friendly and aerodynamic.  On a regular bike all your body weight is focused on the rider's tail bone and hands.  On this bad boy you got optimal distribution.

Right.  But you look like total fag when you ride it.

.  .  . I guess I don't see your point there.  That isn't even a question.

Fair enough.  Allow me to rephrase.  When you're riding down the street in that thing do people ever throw shit at you and call you a fag?

Throw shit at me?

Yeah.  Like beer bottles, trash, or partially deflated volleyballs?

No.

What about broomsticks?

What about them?

Do people ever try to shove broomsticks in your spokes in an effort to flip the bike over so that you fly out and hurt yourself?

No. No one's ever tried to inflict physical injury.  Every once in a while I get a puzzled stare or two but I suppose that comes with the territory.

So they look at you like you're some sort of spaz, right?

On the contrary I prefer to think they look at me with a certain air of curiosity.  They notice that I've made different choices when it comes to getting from place to place on two wheels and, although perhaps momentarily taken aback, they respect it.

Whatever.

The bikes are actually quite popular.  There are a number of enthusiast clubs and communities one can join to learn more about what make them a superior alternative to the standard upright bike.  I mentioned earlier the ergonomic and aerodynamic benefits but recumbents are also safer, more comfortable, and faster.  They've been around for over 100 years, invented around the same time as the bicycle the general public has grown used to.

Are you friends with the guy that walks his dog while riding a unicycle?

I can't say I know who you're referring to.

Oh there's this one jackass who I sometimes see riding around the park on a unicycle while walking his dog.  I assume he's bat shit crazy.  I figured you guys were tight.

.  .  .  .  We're not.  Listen, obviously you're not a fan of my bike or my hobby.  You've made that clear.  Perhaps we could talk about something else.

Sure.  What do you do when you're not riding your wonder wheels there?

I enjoy hiking, watching movies, board games, pretty much any activity where I get to spend time with my family.

So you have a wife and kids?

Yes.  Two boys in fact.

How long have you been married?

Gosh.  I guess it's been 8 years.

And how old are your boys?

Frank is 5 and Dustin turns 7 next month.

You don't say.  And how are they doing?

Pretty great actually.  Frank started kindergarten this year and is doing great.  We we're really worried that he'd have some major separation anxiety but he's adjusted well.  Dustin is really into basketball all the sudden.  I think he may end up to be a heck of an athlete.  He gets that from his mother.

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I know.

And what are you going to to about it?

I could sell it I suppose.  Use the money to by something a little less embarrassing.

Phil.

What?

Phil.

.  .  .  or I could destroy it.  Take it to the top of the Leffert's Hill, douse it in paint thinner, cover the tires with sandpaper, tie matches to the spokes and ghostride it towards the softball fields where it will erupt in a ball of flames as it takes a sweet jump over the graduated curb before meeting it's demise. 

Phil.

What?

That sounds like a fantastic idea.