Letter to guy on subway reading over my shoulder / Lloyd Nittles

Hi there!

Yep. This time I caught you. Busted. Do not worry. I'm not going to do anything drastic like pivot out of your line of site or annoyingly lean back and cram my umbrella handle into your abdomen. Or stab you. I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Rich and I like to read the paper on my morning commute.

So let's get one thing out of the way from the get go. I don't have a problem with you reading my paper over my shoulder. I just want you to know that I know. I just wanted you to know that you're not fooling me with you're nonchalant "I'm just looking at that lady sitting in front of us and not reading your paper" move or the whole "I'll read over your shoulder until you turn to look when I'll close my eyes and pretend I'm sleeping while I'm standing" spiel. Not to say that these techniques are amateur or ineffective. I've utilized them on a number of occasions myself until I finally came to the realization that instead of attempting to get the gist of an article from haphazard glances, I could simply pick up a free paper from the guy handing them out by the subway entrance. Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to impose my new method on you. If what you got going works for you then the more power to you. I'm just saying the paper is free is all.

I suppose you are asking yourself why I took the time to tape this piece of paper to the newspaper so that it looks like a regular newspaper until you peek over my shoulder and see this piece of paper taped to it. Great question! Let's just say that I respect you and feel you were entitled to a little something extra today when you shimmied your way through the tightly packed people and peeked over my shoulder for the fourth time in five days. I guess you could say today is your lucky day!

So. . . . What's your name? Actually don't answer that. Because if you're reading this you're actually looking over my shoulder on a crowded subway train and it would be pretty weird if all the sudden you just blurted out "Karl" or "Ronald" or "My name is Steve". That was just my lame way of trying to make small talk. I already know your name is Glen.

By the way Glen, you play your headphones way too loud. the song "You Get What You Give" by the New Radicals, while decent, isn't the type of tune that needs to be blasted in your ear every day between the Dekalb and Canal Street stops. Is that a mix tape from high school? What's the song after that? I want to say it's "Informer" by Snow but I'm not positive. It's either that or "Things that Make you go Hmmm" by C+C Music Factory. Please tell me.

Before I forget - you know that chick with the red bag that gets in on 14th street? She's something else, right?. Did you see that top she had last Thursday? Unbelievable! You think her boobs are real? I'm telling you I waver back and forth. There are some days when I'm certain they're fake - too perky - but other days there appears to be a certain lack of buoyancy that leads me to believe the contrary. And what's up with that older guy she's sometimes with? Cooworker? No way that dude's her boyfriend, right? Interested to hear your thoughts.

Well, that about covers it. I feel much better about things now that we officially know of each other. I sorta feel like shaking your hand right here and now but I suppose that might look awkward. I hope you feel the same. If you do perhaps we could meet after work at the Starbucks on the corner of 53rd and 6th and share a laugh over a coffee and/or scone. My treat. You work right across the street, correct? If you're busy after work maybe we could meet at your place. 435 Lincoln Avenue Apt. 7F if memory serves me correctly. Unless of course your wife Katherine is working late tonight and you're on your own watching little Luke. I imagine he can be quite the handful! Just let me know. I'm totally free and I'll be in the neighborhood.

Oh, and if you're not Glen Habbner and you just happened to glance at my paper this morning and see this note I would've hoped you'd have quit reading this by now seeing as it's obviously not meant for your eyes. But yet here you still are. Reading away. I wonder what I'll do about you. . .

Have a tremendous day.

Rich