------You can follow me @richzeroth------
tip for prospective zoo keepers: warthogs hate oranges. Man, do they hate oranges. How I wish I could unsee what I just saw.
about 14 hours ago from web
emu farm has been hemoraging $$ since May '02, about the same time Hildegard, the truffle oil-infused risotto eating emu, arrived @ our zoo.
8:03 AM Jun 9th from web
Nipsey update: Still stuck with him. Made himself at home in my now flooded basement. Nearly out of his anal ointment. Try selling to Bronx?
4:38 PM Jun 8th from web
trying to sneak nipsey back into rival zoo. scaling chain link fence proving problematic. wish walrus would help dig.
10:07 PM Jun 4th from web
rival zoo owner dropped off blue gym bag as instructed but instead of $5K it contained a thank you note & nipsey's anal cream. Damn!
12:57 PM Jun 4th from web
Nipsey the walrus is a nightmare. last night he broke my tub, ate my toaster, & insulted my wife. noon cannot come soon enough.
7:53 AM Jun 4th from web
"We have nipsey. He's unharmed but scared. $5,000 in unmarked nonconsecutive 20s. Blue gym bag. Under cheetah sign. Noon tomorrow. No cops."
9:26 PM Jun 3rd from web
have successfully infiltrated the zoo across the street and kidnapped the nipsey russell walrus. he was a fighter. ransom note pending.
9:09 PM Jun 3rd from web
the spies have returned. they claim the walrus across the street looks more like Nipsey Russell. We are royally F&%$ED!
8:00 AM Jun 3rd from web
rival zoo opening across the street. rumor is they have a walrus that looks like Tom Selleck. spies are en route.
7:30 AM Jun 3rd from web
the porcupines are totally tweaking out for some reason. f'ing quills all over the place.
6:03 PM May 30th from web
yet another unmarketable animal birth abnormality. We now have a wild boar with two spleens.
7:16 AM May 29th from web
the wildebeest got into some funky mushrooms & are tweaking out in front of a 3rd grade field trip. I've never seen kids so excited.
2:45 PM May 26th from web
our head groundskeeper has a marijuana crop in the back corner of the jackal exhibit. explains why I'd always thought they were hyenas.
11:34 AM May 21st from web
looking at this balance sheet & thinking it needs more walrus and less peacock if you know what I mean (you probably don't).
7:51 AM May 15th from web
mountain goat just ate my blackberry. i guess that's what I get for wearing it on my belt like some gaylord.
3:15 PM May 12th from web
some jerk off took my parking spot today so I had to park way out in the north lot near the emu farm. Always gives me the willies.
10:32 AM May 12th from web
Beavers & ducks, beavers & ducks, all damn day long, beavers & ducks. Almost finished setting up the North Woods Animals exhibit.
5:00 PM May 9th from web
damn teenagers keep stealing the "ass" sign in front of the donkey pen. $48 a pop.
4:39 PM May 7th from web
the pelicans are absolutely losing thier shit. no idea what thier problem is. my guess is they don't like my hat. oh well.
7:49 PM May 5th from web
he's currently futzing with these tubes, looking totally confused. Classic!
7:19 PM May 4th from web
totally got the new security guard believing he needs to change the water in the shark tank every night.
7:18 PM May 4th from web
ordered 3 dozen "pardon our appearance renovation in progress" signs 2 post around zoo. no plans 2 renovate but may help minimize complaints
9:50 AM May 4th from web
first friday of every month we groom the yaks. they are matted and old and tired and ornery and I'm in for a long day.
10:09 AM May 1st from web
the truth is out. The bengal tigers are not hiding in their caves or sleeping behind the trees. The pen is empty. We own no bengal tigers.
9:05 PM Apr 30th from web
need a cheap banana substitute asap! My primate supplement supplier just jacked up the price on yellow #5 (he thinks I slept w/ his wife).
12:17 PM Apr 30th from web
today's the day! The queen millepede's eggs are about to hatch! Trying to get the newswires to pick up on it - not expecting a big turnout.
8:10 AM Apr 29th from web
berating my walrus trainer. They can't do shit.
2:33 PM Apr 28th from web
baby starfish for sale. $20 for the whole bucket. They are capable of both sexual and asexual reproduction so consider yourself warned.
5:41 PM Apr 27th from web
looking at estimated financial reports for the sloth exhibit all day is a lot like looking at the sloth exhibit all day.
5:19 PM Apr 24th from web
crunching peacock data in excel all day sure can take the shimmer out of their plumage.
8:43 PM Apr 23rd from web
considering selling all my owls. do not need their attitude.
10:24 PM Apr 22nd from web
dropped my roast beef sub into the piranha tank. I'm still hungry but it was totally worth it.
5:48 PM Apr 22nd from web
"animal defecation removal" has too many characters to fit in the P&L. Replacing with "fauna fecal exile". Brilliant!!
12:21 PM Apr 22nd from web
Umm. $400 a month for bird seed? I think my Todd "birds of prey" Clemens may be cooking the books to support his meth addiction.
3:06 PM Apr 20th from web
today's the day I try to mend fences between my chief coyote handler and my associate director of roadrunner habitat/behavior. Wish me luck!
9:34 AM Apr 20th from web
finally figured out how the large mammal exhibit somehow remains profitable - stoned teenagers flock to see the rhino's perma boner.
10:58 AM Apr 19th from web
just moonwalked in front of the ostrich cage - totally freaked them out. They are molting like nobody's business.
12:53 PM Apr 18th from web
daughter's birthday coming up. unfortunately I have no pony connections but I do have a surplus of water moccasins. . .
5:51 PM Apr 11th from web
new falcons just arrived! big bastards! little helmets included but unfortunately no handling gloves. staying in the crate for now.
3:24 PM Apr 10th from web
hand an extended and uncomfortable period of eye contact with our golden tamarin. He definitely knows something I don't know. . .
5:01 PM Apr 9th from web
calling it a night. turning off the lights in the safari center and turning on the lights in nocturnal hall.
9:00 PM Apr 8th from web
dolphin feedings @ 2 & 4 will no longer incorporate any actual feeding in an attempt to lower sardine expenditures - just lots of flipping!
12:01 PM Apr 8th from web
tax time 2nite! my accountant says I can write off the deaf hyena, the three-legged llama & the chicken billed platypus. Heyoo!! Who knew?
8:11 PM Apr 7th from web
killed two birds with one stone while rearranging the Tropics exhibit. Literally. One egret and one tucan.
5:22 PM Apr 7th from web
turns out I'm the proud owner of the third shortest giraffe in the world!! 8 feet 7 inches.
1:33 PM Apr 7th from web
another day, another dead python.
9:32 AM Apr 7th from web
Our falconer just put in his two weeks. Didn't even know I had a falconer. Do I need one? We shall see.
8:19 PM Apr 6th from web
just learned that the howler monkeys r way behind on their vaccinations. Looking 4 a cheap monkey dr willing to work on the DL. Suggestions?
4:33 PM Apr 6th from web
Just got my first look at the balance sheet for the reptile center. Absolute shit show.
1:25 PM Apr 6th from web
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