Things I said to my wife last night while she was trying to watch the season finale of "The Bachelor" / Darlene Botch

-You hear about this guy's ex-wife? I guess she's like a total bitch and not even hot.

-It's totally screwed up how they make you shower before you go into pools.

-How much food do you think I ate today in pounds?

-What would you do if I brought home the DVD for the movie 'Australia' tomorrow?

-I bet you I could totally do a back flip.

-So daylight savings is coming up this weekend. Gotta remember to change the clocks. . . I guess we got time.

-I think we should get the same haircut.

-Guess who I saw on the subway today? The dad from 'Juno'. Yep.

-So I'm thinking about taking up boxing. Maybe kickboxing.

-Why do people tie their old magazines into little bundles? Is there some sort of law?