Letter from friend long assummed dead / Desiree Dipshire

Dear Richard-

Bangkok is amazing. It's so different from the states. The people are more polite and I swear there's this sense of energy that just permeates from the streets. It's like that time we went to visit New York but with Buddhist temples instead of Starbucks. I swear they're everywhere and man those monks sure can kneel and pray with the best of 'em. Not to mention they sell fried insects out of carts instead of hot dogs. Weird and wacky stuff I tell you. I really think you'd dig it the most!

Oh, by the way I'm not dead. Yeah I'm totally still alive! Sorry it's been so long since since we talked. I lost my phone right after the explosion and with it, the phone numbers of everybody I knew. What a hassle! Do you happen to have Linda's by the way? I'm guessing she thinks I'm dead too - such the drama queen. Anyway I was walking down the sidewalk the other day and passed a video store that had an old, faded poster for 'Love Actually' still hanging in the window and I thought of you. Remember that scene at the end in the airport with all the people hugging that made you cry and I totally made fun of you? Ha Ha! Well it occurred to me that I should look you up and see how you were doing and that I should also let you know that I didn't die in that horrible boat crash.

Are you still in veterinarians' school? I suppose you're done by now. Do you still have that that dog, Noodles, or did she drown trying to navigate her way through the flaming wreckage?

Which reminds me, you never finished that dumpster story. I remember you were telling me how you found what appeared to be an entire uneaten and unblemished pie sitting on top of the plastic lid of the dumpster outside of Perkins and you were seriously considering taking it to Gina's party and offering it as a dessert but then you were interrupted by Doug screaming "Richard, watch the fuck where you're going!" Did you end up eating that pie? Did Gina eat any? Did you really not see those sharp rocks? Hilarious!

Speaking of Doug, do you guys still hang out? If so give him a 'what's up' from Janine and tell him that I bailed right before the boat hit the rocky outcropping and exploded into a fire ball. I don't think he saw me and I never really had the chance to say goodbye or give him shit for those ridiculous shorts he was wearing. What a tool!

Are you seeing anyone? Knowing you I'm sure there's a couple ladies in the picture. I swear as the river's current mercilessly dragged my broken body out to sea and I used my last ounce of strength to grasp a dangling tow cable of a passing fishing barge en route to La Habana I couldn't help but think how lucky you're going to make some lady. And when I woke up out of my coma four months later and relearned to walk and speak I made it a point to remember to tell that lucky lady of yours that you pooped your pants in Mr. Kilner's class sophomore year. Ha Ha! You'll never live that one down.

Well I suppose I should get going. The gypsy pirates who overtook the fishing barge and nursed me back to health before teaching me the trade of fake sponge smuggling while traveling from port to port across the eastern hemisphere are getting together to toss a few back and talk about old times. And here you probably thought my corpse was rotting at the bottom of the Okeechobee River or had been ripped to shreds by barracudas. Yikes. My bad for not writing sooner. I guess things just got crazy.

Write back soon OK. We have a lot of catching up to do!

Your Pal,

Janine

P.S. Do you happen to have my Fendi sunglasses? I think I left them on top of the picnic basket by signal flares (which didn't work by the way).