Pink slip / Gail Girthy

I understand.

And is it safe to assume that today will be my last day?

But I do have until five o'clock, right?

I see. Then I suppose I'll start packing my personal effects straight away.

Is there any work related items you need me to address before I gather my things?

Very well then.

If you don't mind, I was wondering if you had a spare moment to

If there's nothing else, I'd just like to say that in my time here, I wish it to be known that I never spent an entire day sitting in my office doing absolutely nothing. And that's not to say that the opportunity never presented itself. Because it did. Time and time again. Yet when the urge struck to close my office door and pretend to be on a conference call while I shopped online for clever domain names I relented and at the very least marked messages sitting in my inbox that I had no intention of answering as 'read'.

Any office supplies I stole were used for personal use and were not resold, for the most part. I can promise you that any and all profits garnered from the stolen supplies that were resold were spent on business attire purchased for the sole purpose of conveying a greater aire of professionalism in the workplace. I rarely wore the clothes to social gatherings or while using intravenous drugs.

I'd also like to point out that I hardly ever masturbated at work. And the times I did so I took extra precautions to ensure as few coworkers noticed me as possible. I trust the volume of complaints you received were minimal and those that did complain surely noted my intended discretion, if not specifically the ball gag I utilized.

Finally I feel compelled to add that I took great steps here to secure a reputation of one who never settled for complete unproductivity. I continually strived to provide at the very least a minimal effort, day in and day out. At least on the days where I didn't have an unannounced dentist appointment, a menial errand to run, or had to stay home and attend to my sick ferret.

I bring these items to your attention because I quite enjoyed my time here and have a strong desire to keep all bridges flame free. I understand the nature of the personnel move but sincerely hope that no doors have been permanently shut. I do hope you will keep my resume on file in the event you find yourself in desperate need of someone with my particular skill set.

I don't suppose that unaccrued vacation days can be added to the severance package?

I didn't think so. On that note - until our paths cross again. Good day.