Guy walking in the marathon / Bryn Lifticket

Oh hi!

I'm that guy walking in the marathon.

'What the hell is his deal?', you're probably wondering.

Ha!

Looks as if I'm either woefully unprepared for these 26.2 miles or I'm some sort of psycho who gets off on having thousands of people cheer for him as he goes on a leisurely but long Sunday stroll. It's tough to gauge because the evasive look on my face falls right in that sweet spot between pure stupidity or pure ambivalence.

I mean, it seems pretty unlikely that I'm already exhausted. The type of people that sign up to run in these things typically prepare in advance, ensuring that they can make it more than 4 miles without having to ease up to a pace where they can comfortably place their hands on their hips.

Perhaps I slightly pulled a hammy in the first mile and refuse to call it quits.

Maybe I'm not even in the marathon and just got caught up in the thing on my way to get some pancake mix at the bodega across the street.

Hmmm. You wonder.

If a guy's going to blow his opportunity to run a marathon by walking the whole time he might as well be bouncing a basketball or wearing a chicken suit or something, right? Or at the very least be wearing a t-shirt promoting some sort of cause like beating breast cancer or the release of the new Insane Clown Posse album.

The fact that I'm wearing cargo shorts doesn't help clear things up either.

It's a bit maddening, isn't it? How the simple site of a kinda pudgy guy nonchalantly walking amongst thousands of determined runners fulfilling life goals can put a damper on what should be an uplifting experience.

I'm sorry about that.

I promise you that wasn't my intention.

I'm just a guy walking in the middle of a goddamned marathon is all.

Thanks for cheering for me.