The skinny on the '8 - 9 letter' Region* / Lyle Alzado

The below is expert commentary pertaining to the 2010 War of the Words tournament which begins noon EST, Thursday, June 3rd. It's not too late to play.

Enter in your picks today. Go here and click 'Predict It!'.

Follow the action on Facebook for live updates and results here.

________________________________________________________

'Saboteur' will win. Easy. That word means like to sneak up on someone and blow up their blind side. How you going to beat a word like that? What are they a 2 seed? Please. That's a joke. What's 'palpable' got that my man 'saboteur' doesn't? A couple extra p's and that's about it. 'Palpable'. Sounds like something you'd say when you're stuttering and asking for your daddy.

Stuttering like a little bitch.

'Derelict' and 'charlatan' sound like little bitches too. Little bitches wearing silly hats and smoking on fancy pipes. What else we got here? 'Perturbed' and 'skedaddle' remind me of farts for some reason. I'm just being honest with you. 'Titillate' and 'buoyancy' remind of something else if you know what I'm saying. Ha ha ha. I'd like to succinct on some buoyancy titillates if you catch my drift. I know that you do!

I think I had a rigmarole for lunch.

All right all right let's get serious. I like 'saboteur' and 'repugnant' coming from the bottom there and 'percolate' and 'galvanize' from the top.

I'll tell you what. The more I think about it the only other word I respect in that region is 'galvanize'. That's a man's word. I was galvanizing my quads just before you shoved this piece of shit piece of paper in my face. I'll galvanize your whole world. How'd you like that?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

*The views and opinions expressed in this analysis are solely those of the individual referenced in the post title** and in do not necessarily reflect those of the W.o.W. Commissioner. Any use of the aforementioned views and opinions to assist W.o.W. participants in making bracket selections should be undertaken at their own risk.

**Lyle Alzado

Analysis of the '6-7 letter' Region* / Ethel Heavho

The below is expert commentary pertaining to the 2010 War of the Words tournament which begins noon EST, Thursday, June 3rd. It's not too late to play.

Enter in your picks today. Go here and click 'Predict It!'.

Follow the action on Facebook for live updates and results here.

________________________________________________________

What do the numbers mean again? Oh. . . Seeds you say? Oh I see. Well someone doesn't like 'mongrel' much then. 'Crinkle' is a good word. Better than most others I'm seeing here. Ohh I like 'bullion' too. I used the last of the chicken bullion last night to make that soup you like so much. You can freeze the leftovers and they last for months. I'll thaw some out next time you come to visit. Very tasty. Should I make some rolls too?

Oh right, the words. Let's see. 'Placebo' kind of scares me. I don't know what I'd do if Dr. Ludvich switched my back pills for some fake ones. That's nothing to take lightly in my opinion. 'Pilfer' is another word for stealing, right? 'Loathe' and 'seethe' aren't very nice words either. Whoever put this together must've gotten up on the wrong side of the bed or something. They should take a long hard look in the mirror and ask themselves why they think they are such a wise guy. Maybe then they'd start to see they weren't so smart after all. . .

Also it's never nice to make fun of unitards so I don't know if that's some sort of joke or something but it's not funny.

*The views and opinions expressed in this analysis are solely those of the individual referenced in the post title** and in do not necessarily reflect those of the W.o.W. Commissioner. Any use of the aforementioned views and opinions to assist W.o.W. participants in making bracket selections should be undertaken at their own risk.

**Ethel Heavho

Breaking down the '5 letters or less' Region* / Will Medogdye

The below is expert commentary pertaining to the 2010 War of the Words tournament which begins noon EST, Thursday, June 3rd. It's not too late to play.

Enter in your picks today. Go here and click 'Predict It!'.

Follow the action on Facebook for live updates and results here.

________________________________________________________

There are a couple match-ups here that are especially intriguing, Phil.

First off, the 8/9 match-up of 'muck' vs. 'mire' should settle bragging rights once and for all for these two bubble words that just can't seem to establish an identity of their own without being paired with each other. With 'melee' likely waiting for the winner I see both words pulling out all the stops here.

'Feign' / 'pithy' could be a closer contest than it should be. All depends if 'feign' decides to show up. They are clearly the more talented word but have been known to disappear in big games.

Looking down the rest of the region here. . . 'Kiosk' is what it is. It may roll off the tongue but at the end of the day it sits there at the corner letting dogs piss all over it. I'm shocked it got a 4 seed. Shocked!! If it happens to make it by 'gaudy' I see the 'feign' / 'pithy' winner easily handling their round two opponent on their way to the sweet sixteen.

A few of my colleagues have 'gourd' as a sexy upset pick over 'lard'. I don't see it. 'Gourd's' sheer seasonality will be it's downfall. This ain't November. 'Lard' is just getting hot.

Many experts initially questioned 10 seed spilt's eligibility citing 'spilled' as the more valid and more widely used past tense form of 'spill'. Count 'gruel' in that camp as I expect them to make short work of the underdog, leaving them crying over milk of some sort.

'Slew' and 'delve' have a bit of a history, coming from the same conference they've already played each other twice this year and split both meetings. Don't let the 6/11 seeding disparity throw you. These words are very familiar with each other and are evenly matched. The big question in this game is whether 'slew's' deep bench can overcome 'delve's' superior preparation.

When all is said and done I see 'melee' as one of the more vulnerable #1 seeds in the tournament. I envision an epic battle in round 3 between 'lard' and 'dank', the winner making their way to the final four.

Back to you, Phil.

*The views and opinions expressed in this analysis are solely those of the individual referenced in the post title** and in do not necessarily reflect those of the W.o.W. Commissioner. Any use of the aforementioned views and opinions to assist W.o.W. participants in making bracket selections should be undertaken at their own risk.

**Will Medogdye

2010 War of the Words: Field of 64 / Graham Hench

Enter in your picks today. Go here and click 'Predict It!'.

Follow the action on Facebook for live updates and results here.

5 letters or less REGION 1 melee 16 duct 8 mire 9 muck 5 feign 12 pithy 4 kiosk 13 gaudy 6 slew 11 delve 3 lard 14 gourd 7 gruel 10 spilt 2 dank 15 ilk 6 - 7 letters REGION 1 lavish 16 mongrel 8 placebo 9 loathe 5 crinkle 12 dullard 4 bullion 13 quarry 6 stupefy 11 caveat 3 unitard 14 dubious 7 fathom 10 seethe 2 pilfer 15 cloaked

______ ____ ______ ____ ______ ____ ______ ____ ______ ____ ______ ____ ______ ____ ______ ______ ____ ______ ____ ______ ____ ______ ____ ______ ____ ______ ____ ______ ____ ______

______ ____ ______ ____ ______ ____ ______ ____ ______ ____ ______ ____ ______ ____ ______ ______ ____ ______ ____ ______ ____ ______ ____ ______ ____ ______ ____ ______ ____ ______

8 - 9 letters REGION palpable 1 misnomer 16 succinct 8 percolate 9 derelict 5 titillate 12 galvanize 4 perturbed 13 repugnant 6 skedaddle 11 charlatan 3 buoyancy 14 rigmarole 7 bombastic 10 saboteur 2 abhorrent 15 10 letters & up REGION preposterous 1 laceration 16 torrential 8 meticulous 9 rambunctious 5 monstrosity 12 protuberance 4 extemporaneous 13 bombardment 6 exacerbate 11 abomination 3 concoction 14 debauchery 7 colloquial 10 cataclysmic 2 loquacious 15

Enter in your picks today. Go here and click 'Predict It!'.

Follow the action on Facebook for live updates and results here.

911 @ 2347 / Hector Smithereen

911 what is your emergency?

I've. . . I've taken a bad spill. I need an ambulance.

Where are you sir?

Send them to 2347 Lake Street.

We'll send someone right away. Can you describe your injuries?

My legs are broken. My. . . My. . .

It's OK sir. Can you tell me how you fell?

I was in the basement. I needed to go downstairs to use the phone.

So you fell down the stairs on your way to the basement to make a phone call?

No. No. I was already in the basement.

So you tripped going up the stairs?

No. Down.

I'm sorry sir. Just trying to understand. So there's a level lower than your basement?

Ahhhh!!! Oh God it hurts! Are they on their way?

Sure sure sure. First I just need you to help me understand where you are in the house. You said you were in your basement and fell downstairs, right?

(unintelligible)

Is is like a secret chamber or something?

Wha- What?

Below your basement. Is it like a hidden -

I think I'm going to pass out?

Stay with me sir. It's all going to be OK but I need you to hang on. Try taking a deep breath. . . Are you there?

(barely audible) Yeah.

Now there's some more information I'm going to need to gather. This secret vault or chamber or whathaveyou - you said you were on your way down there to use the phone?

Right.

So you must've just landed right next to it after you fell then. I mean you're obviously near a phone now.

I'm calling you. . . from a phonyphone.

I'm sorry what?

A phonyphone. It's a phone that can only call other phones.

I don't understand.

Arrgghh!!! Dear God the pain! I'm really fucked here. My legs are pointing ways that nature never intended.

I'm sure you'll be fine. So you have a phone that calls other phones. How is that different than any other phone?

No. It's different. It's not its own line or anything. It just hijacks the fiber optic signals of other phones.

So can it receive calls?

(in obvious agony) Only local calls and only if the digitized current is successfully intercepted.

(long pause). . . Well I don't get it.

How far away is that ambulance?

So you've got your crazy underground lair with your high tech phonyphone there. I gotta hand it to you - sounds like things are working out pretty sweet for you.

Oh Christ! I see marrow!!

Shit. That's right. Your ambulance. You said 4327 Lake Street, right?

Huh? No! 2347 Lake.

You got it. The paramedics have been dispatched.

Just now? We've been on the phone for-

Sorry about that. That was my bad. Got a little carried away with your basement situation. So I assume once the paramedics have entered the residence they should head down to your dungeon deal thingy, right? Any crazy fake books to pull on or any levers to activate or anything?

Listen to me. I'm not actually at 2347 Lake Street.

Umm. OK.

I'm not there but that's where I need the ambulance to go because that's the nearest access point.

Access point to what?

To where my mangled body currently resides. . . When they get there they'll see a tube.

A tube?

Yes. The tube will lead them to me.

Will they be able to fit through this tube?

The whole ambulance will fit.

And how long is this tube?

No more than a few tenths of a second.

No sir. I mean how long is it in distance. Like how many feet.

You don't understand. The tube can only be measured in time.

. . . . I'm sorry. I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around this.

Fuck it.

Don't hang up sir. Help is on the way.

(unintelligible. . . fumbling with phonyphone)

[LOUD SOUND OF FEEDBACK]

What was that!? Sir are you OK?

Just had to adjust the coordinates.

I've just gotten word from the paramedics. They're not seeing anything resembling a tube at 2347 Lake Street.

Look under your desk.

Wow! Well I'll be. Isn't that something. Your legs really are fucked.