Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Larry & Frank / Joan Hype


INT. DINER – MORNING

LARRY (48, unkempt, wearing an old, beat up coat with mismatched hat and scarf) enters, quickly scans the room, and takes a seat in an empty booth. He lifts the menu in front of his face, engrossed.

FRANK (33, handsome and confident, wearing designer winter attire that’s two sizes too big) enters. He stands just inside the door, scanning the room, referring to an unfolded piece of paper. After a moment he notices LARRY and the empty seat across from him. He approached the booth, removes his jacket, and has just begun to slide into the seat when the WAITRESS approaches.

LARRY: Chicken cacciatore and a bowl of clam chowder.

WAITRESS: And for you?

FRANK: (still shifting in his seat, getting comfortable) Coffee, black, and a blueberry muffin. Thanks.

WAITRESS: You got it.

[WAITRESS leaves]

FRANK: So. . . I obviously got your note. Mind telling me what I’m doing here?

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Friday, January 22, 2010

Braille / Duncan Toots

The ATM near my apartment has a message near the keypad written in braille and english that states "This atm offers audio assistance for the visually impaired."

And I suppose that's pretty great. It doesn't explain how it works though. I mean, I see no button that activated this feature. There's no retinal scanner that determines whether or not your eyes work. If I'm blind and I walk up to this ATM and read this message with my fingers what exactly am I supposed to do next?

Do I yell "Activate audi assistance" or do I just state, "Hello. I'm blind and I require $60. My secret pin is 55721. No receipt necessary. Thank you kind money machine."

Of course I don't know for a fact that's what it says in braille. I can't read braille. Perhaps in braille it says, "Press any key twelve times in a row and receive a complimentary $100. Consider it reparation for living life without the gift of site or kudos to those who can see but still learned to read braille for some reason."

Friday, January 15, 2010

My dad explaining Avatar to my uncle / Flinch Hindsight

We saw this movie the other day. Arvantard I think it was. At first I didn't think it would have much of a plot because it was one of those action movies but it turned out to be pretty good. They had these creatures that lived in this, like, fantasy world or something. But the regular people needed their land for gold or some other type of important fuel or treasure. To tell you the truth I don't know what it was they were after but they basically just tore the place to shreds. It was pretty incredible really. Then they had this group of scientists that came up with a way to get into the creatures bodies. They could then control them and try to learn their ways. Well one of these guys was a marine and he ended up becoming their leader basically. The Nabi I think they were called. The creatures I mean. The Nabi. Yeah, I think that was it. Nabi. You know it would be interesting to see if there was an Indian tribe called the Nabi because the whole story was kind of like the Indians here. You know with the land and all that plus they kind of dressed like Indians. They were also really connected to nature. Yeah I remember that. When the Army came and blew up their tree home you could tell that the Nabi were really screwed at that point. Not that we ever did anything that bad to the Indians or anything but the message was pretty clear.

Anyway I thought the movie was really something.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Monk book regret / Hum Neeber

You should have bought the weird book from that monk guy. What the fuck were you thinking?

Shit.

It's too late now. You said "sorry" and "no thanks" and walked onto the subway leaving the monk guy standing on the platform, smiling.

He didn't seem crazy or anything. And he seemed to really want you to have his book. It all happened so fast it's hard to remember exactly what he said - something along the lines of "you look like a kind person" or "I couldn't help but notice you were an interesting individual". Whatever it was it didn't sound like the typical bullshit you hear from the guy begging for change outside the deli or the guy trying to sell his hip hop cd's. Actually that's not entirely true. The words themselves were the same bullshit but this time, with this guy, it somehow seemed sincere. Then he said his name was Ben or Bret or Andy or something and he was a monk. Then the train started coming. That's what fucked it all up - that fucking train. You looked at the train and he saw you look at the train so then he looked at the train and he knew he had to hurry. He pulls out this book and opens it to a page with a picture of a bunch of people standing in a row holding what looked to be a string of lights. The monk said "we started out here" and pointed to a person standing on the far end of the row. Then he pointed to the other end of the row and said "now we're here". The folks holding the lights might have been naked. You're not sure, you just nodded your head. By then train had arrived and the doors were opening. The monk had run out of time and could explain no more. He offered to give you the book and only asked for a small donation in return. You politely refused.

And now you're here.

And there he goes.

Fuck!

This guy, this book, could have changed everything. I mean it probably wouldn't have but what did you have to lose? All he wanted was a donation to cover the printing costs. That seemed reasonable. I mean this wasn't just a pamphlet or anything. This was a legitimate hard cover book with glossy color pictures. It could have been yours for $5. Fuck that, it could've been yours for $2. He definitely would have sold it for $2. Monks don't haggle. Christ, if you weren't so quick to dismiss him he might have given it to you for free. But no, you let your inherent misgivings of strangers yield the controls once again and you left the monk, his book, and his teachings standing there on the platform. Nice. And here you on your way back to your same old life coming from your tired old job.

Fate brought the monk to you. If you had waited for the next train the monk would've explained that to you. He would've answered your questions about God. You would've said, "Of course!" and "Exactly!" and "It all makes sense now!" Real change could have happened.

But you couldn't give a stranger $2. You couldn't wait for the next train and be a little late for dinner.

You should go back.

He's probably still there - looking for other kind people. That's it. You should totally go back!! . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Fuck it. That would take forever.